


You're the reason

by ofreverentia



Series: Only Human [1]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Based on a Calum Scott song, Broken Friendship, M/M, Trying to fix relationship, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 18:22:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17452049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofreverentia/pseuds/ofreverentia
Summary: There goes my heart breathinCause you are the reasonI’m losing my sleep





	You're the reason

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Javier POV

Javier counted down the days until he would need to leave. The excitement for the upcoming Europeans lingered in the air, each training session filled with labored breaths, fighting through the pain in his muscles. His body screamed for him to stop but he knew this is going to be his last competition, pushing past all the aches, the way his knees hurt as he got out of bed in the morning. But what hurt him the most was the Japanese by his side running hot and cold in the same minute. Since his return he has seen several different reactions and he wondered what he had done wrong aside from listening to his body slowly but surely breaking down on him. Before it was too late though he would prefer not to let himself go beyond that line of irreparable health issues. A few years ago they had fought about it, when Yuzuru pushed through several injuries ignoring the signs but Javier could never do that. Of course it was bound to put a rift between them and the helping hands after a fall were more hesitant or sometimes didn’t show up in their line of vision. Brian has seen it and he tried to mitigate as best as he could. It worked but then Yuzuru came guns and blazing throwing himself at Javier whenever he could. The Spaniard never understood nor did he allow his mind to decipher all those signs. He did regret a few things though and as he stopped by the boards to take his water, clench his thirst after his near perfect run-through he watched Yuzuru go through his short program. It was a nice one and Javier could say why people loved it. A chuckle escaped him recalling the livestream he watched during Helsinki and how the screams of fans were so loud he couldn’t hear the music. On some days like today he wondered if he could have ever gotten that kind of applause but it was not possible. They were on so different levels and while he had some good days where he could beat Yuzuru when he was on a good day too it was near impossible.

> _There goes my heart breathin_  
>  Cause you are the reason  
>  I’m losing my sleep  
>  There goes my mind racing  
>  And you are the reason  
>  That I’m still breathing  
>  I’m hopeless now

“What is it Javi?” Tracy glided towards him and he gave her a small smile. 

“Nothing, just was remembering a few things. So… what’s next?” He tried to distract her from seeing where his line of vision lingered before though she was probably the first person who realized there was something else between him and Yuzuru. She gave him a soft understanding smile along with a pat on his shoulder, telling him a few exercices he should do to cool down.

At the end of his training session, Javier felt drained finding it hard to take a shower and change into his street clothes. He stuffed his towel in his bag when Yuzuru walked into the locker room. He let out a small annoyed huff as he sat down on the bench close-by.

“Let me guess… you were excused because you tried that quad axel while you shouldn’t even be jumping triples?” Yuzuru let out an annoyed whine, he only answer Javier needed. He zipped up his bag and paused for a moment thinking but than just decided to do it.

“So… I am here for another three days. Since you are done for the day. Do you want to maybe grab some food? Unless you have some deadline you have been pushing for weeks.” There was amusement in his voice but also hope in his eyes and he hated himself for it. He tried so many times in the past but got rejected.

“I’m sorry Javi.” Came the soft voice of Yuzuru and when Javier glanced over at him he was clenching Pooh, eyes downcast to the ground. 

“Sure. It’s alright. Get some ice on your ankle when you get home.” The Spaniard ruffled those soft dark locks and for once Yuzuru didn’t slap his hand away, instead looked at him with such an intense heartbroken expression he had to look away. “I will see you tomorrow…” He cleared his throat and hurried off without looking back. 

“Bye… Javi…” He caught the words though they were barely a whisper.

> _My heart keeps bleeding_  
>  I need you now  
>  And if I could turn back the clock  
>  I’d make sure the light defeated the dark  
>  I’d spend every hour of every day  
>  Keeping you safe  
>  And I’d climb every mountain  
>  And swim every ocean

Javier let himself inhale after the door to the locker room closed behind him. He dared to glance towards the row of flags as he made his way out of the rink. His gaze found his own flag than that of the Japanese and he felt his heart clench in his chest. 

“I wish I could fix this... “ Javier whispered more to himself, breaking away from the white and red color. Europeans was around the corner and he did aim for his seventh title. He couldn’t allow himself to get distracted now, not now. Over the years a lot happened between the two of them even more due to the media twisting his words. At one point he had given up and it got tiring to only be asked about Yuzuru instead of his own achievements. Javier lashed out at the wrong person because the Japanese never deserved it. He wasn’t easy to be around but no matter how things turned out to be, he only had good things to say about him in the media. 

> _Just to be with you_  
>  And fix what I’ve broken  
>  Cause I need you to see  
>  That you are the reason

Javier pushed the strap of his bag higher on his shoulder, letting the cold air of Toronto hit his cheeks as he stepped out through the front door. A small shiver ran through his body and he looked up only to see a few flocks of snow falling from the sky. 

“Javi! Wait!” Turning around at the sound of his name he spotted Yuzuru hurrying after him, suitcase rolling behind him; a small hopeful smile on his lips. Javier couldn’t help but return it and waited for the younger to catch up.

Maybe there was still hope for them.


End file.
